Why do they make toothpaste so damn refreshing?!

I was just about the second tiredest I've been in my life when I had this idea of cleaning my teeth with mint flavoured foaming paste. MINT! Goddamn that stuff perks you right up! It's not like the toothpaste companies don't know people brush their teeth at night, I'm pretty sure. Surely even if they were all morning only brushers only they might at least see it in done in films.
What? Oh. So you know - listening to music and gently falling asleep... could do this but I must micturate first. So you get up to micturate (yes folks, micturate. Cool word eh! I just learnt it) and feel that fur around your teeth. Not your moustache, mind - more of the bits and the things. So you clean it off with a brush in your post-micturitious state - or whatever it's called. That's all very well, but when all is said and brushed there is this minty fresh in your mouth, and it resembles a cool breeze and a wave full of bright lights and excitement mixed together into a seething mass of AWAKENESS. Where did this come from? Why do they want me to feel refreshed at 3am when I just want to sleep? Why is the paste always minty? Where is our night time sleepy toothpaste with no lights or waves or excitement hitting ones face? What does toothpaste taste like without any minty or otherwise flavouring in it? Why does a goat eat thistles but a bird choose to take to the sky using a clever wing system? Is the goat missing the point or the bird? Can goats fly but choose not to? Can thistles eat birds?
I realise these are big questions totally out of our reach in todays world, but my hope is one day we could all provide answers for these riddles of life. Go scientists! You have much work to do in finding these answers and relaying them to billions of people. May I suggest letters, phone calls and messenger pigeons to spread the word. Or words, rather.
'SPREAD THE WORD!'
'Which word in particular? There's a few.'
'ALL OF THE WORDS!'
'Aren't there are dictionaries for that?'
'ALL OF THE SCIENCE WORDS ANSWERING THE RIDDLES OF LIFE CONTAINED ON THIS PAGE!'
'Okay, I see now. All three of your instructions differ wildly. I hope you realise this next time and are more specific with your mouth words. That way, I can spend less time clarifying - which takes up precious energy - therefore I would need less food to and I save money. That's right. The vaguer your instructions, the more expensive it is for me to operate.'